THE THING ABOUT ONLINE SHOPPING

So here’s the thing… in theory, I am a firm believer that online shopping is single handedly destroying our country as we know it.  Ok, perhaps not single-handedly.  Inept politicians and football culture are probable contributors, but still.  With the possible exception of Oxford Street (where I made the mistake of heading a week before Christmas… I haven’t been the same since,) high-streets throughout the country are littered with closed shops.  The general message from the news seems to be along the lines of small businesses do not stand a snowball’s chance in hell of succeeding.  My rather furtive imagination immediately flashes to an idyllic country market town, complete with cricket game on the village green, being rudely disturbed by a bulldozer with ‘.com’ emblazoned on the side.   Less than ideal.

I work in retail and have a particularly vested interest in the ongoing success of the business.  Over the years, I have come to inadvertently categorize my customers, possibly a subconscious method of using the best approach to encourage them to put lots of lovely money in the tills.  One of the most dastardly, low level categories belong to the vermin who have taken it upon themselves to make our beloved nation into a haggling community.  It is not.  From source to shelf, each product has undergone an intricate process of price in relation to cost.  There is a reason why there is a little tag on each item: that is the price.  Just because some obscure website has a table at 50p does not mean you have a legitimate claim to £300 discount.  

Of course there are lots of other slightly more superficial downsides to online shopping.  As a retail aficionado (self-proclaimed) I have done a lot of research into this topic, mainly in the form of shopping trips.  You may have seen me, I am that girl who has to touch every item of clothing and clogs up the changing room system by taking dozens of items in ambitious sizes and then monopolizing the attendant by needing each piece in a, cough cough, size up.  Is there anything better than the anticipation of adding a gorgeous dress to your beloved wardrobe family, (apart from maybe world peace)?  Physical shopping also has the advantage of removing that pesky delay period while you await delivery.  Where the prospect of new clothes is concerned, even next day delivery seems interminable.  There is also that depressing moment when the top you have been waiting for is too tight or too bright or too… something.  Somehow the built up anticipation makes the disappointment all the worse.  If this happens in a changing room you can simply throw the offending item off and replace it with another likely prospect.   It never even happened!  

Even I am shocked by the strength of my argument.  You would be forgiven for assuming that I have never put my debit card details into one of these villainous websites.  But no, I am surprised the appropriate numbers on my laptop are not worn out and steaming from overuse.  You guessed it: I am a big fat hypocrite.  I love online shopping!  The .com bulldozer?  I might as well be driving it.  I am on a first name basis with my local Hermes, DPD and Royal Mail delivery drivers.  They are like modern day Santa Claus’, bringing gifts to all the boys and girls bored out of their minds at work.  I overcome the devastation of an unsuccessful haul with the knowledge that I have another glorious parcel on its way to me in a day or so from another store and there is none of the horrendous overhead lighting involved which shops bafflingly insist on using in their fitting rooms.  

Even with such a perpetual moral battle being waged in my head I still have no trouble sleeping at night, for the same reason I keep my kindle on a fully stocked bookshelf, I do both!