A GUIDE TO ACCEPTABLE PDA's (PUBLIC DISPLAYS OF AFFECTION)

Are PDA’s ever ok?  My knee-jerk answer to this question is a rather vehement “NO!”  In fact, were you to spend some time with my boyfriend and I, you would be forgiven for mistaking us for friends, if not casual acquaintances, rather than a romantically involved pair.  My friendship circle consists of a mix of couples and happy singletons and one of the singles commented that she loved spending time with all of us because the couples never made her feel like a third wheel. Similarly, before I met my boyfriend, I would not think twice about a night on the town or in a restaurant with a friend and their partner.  

But am I being too harsh on my overtly loved up peers? 

I think of Public Displays of Affection as a scale, running from holding hands (excusable) to hot and heavy make out sessions in front of anything that is not an inanimate object (life sentence.)  The grey area in the centre of our scale is kissing.  Not snogging.  Kissing.  Public tongue action is most definitely a no go but there just might be a time and place for it’s pecking predecessor.  As always, I shall consult my mentor for guidance: Walt Disney.  Disney kisses are few and far between, and it seems that only extreme circumstances warrant even the smallest public gesture of affection.  Let’s take a look…

1)  Weddings.  Marriage is the obvious excuse for a smooch.  Even I am not enough of a Scrooge to resent a little kiss during the first dance, and the religious ceremony actually goes so far as to verbally permit the act in a church!  Ariel and Eric set the standard for this matrimonial make out loophole.  Similarly, Cinderella and the Prince kiss on their wedding day, as do Robin Hood and Maid Marion, but it must be noted that both couples have the decency to wait until they are safe in the confines of their carriage before setting upon each other.

2)  An intensely romantic setting.  I’m talking fireworks at the Eiffel Tower;  a proposal; ‘flying’ with Jack at the prow of the Titanic, that kind of thing.  Aladdin takes Jasmine on a magic carpet ride around the world before he is allowed to first base for goodness sake!  
3)  As a magical medical means.  So True Love’s Kiss is sometimes a physical necessity and I don’t think even the most romantically stunted person would be creeped out by Prince Charming and Prince Phillip giving Snow and Aurora their remedies.  
4)  As a celebration for being a human again.  Belle and her Beast are totally allowed a peck after he lost all that nasty fur.  And no Princess wants to hook up with a frog for life, so again, excused.
5)  War has ended.  Although Mulan and her soldier never actually kiss, the whole saving China thing would definitely give her at least one get-out-of-jail-free card if she had been in the mood.  This also reminds me of the iconic ‘War has Ended’ photograph of the kissing sailor and nurse in Times Square.  If your country wins a significant war, I think a kiss or two is forgiveable.

So what have we learned?  PDA’s make people uncomfortable and are completely unnecessary but for a few select circumstances.  So if you find yourself tempted to get dental with a man (or woman) in a public place, first ask yourself:

1) Is it your wedding day?  (And is he your new spouse, not just a random guest.)

2) Have you recently spent an inordinate amount of time asleep and/or as an animal?

3) Have you returned from a global tour on a magical mode of transport?

4) Has your country just won a war?

5) Are you and everyone around you so drunk that no-one will either care or remember?

Unless you answer ‘yes’ to any of these questions, chances are your imminent PDA is about to make some unsuspecting, inadvertent member of public cringe.  So keep your lips under lock and key and step away from your amorous co-conspirator.