COMMUNICATION: THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING EARNEST

I love words.  At the tender age of two, my Mum started me on my first ‘Peter and Jane’ book and I have been hooked on the English language ever since.  It therefore pains me to point out, that in our daily conversations, the words we use are virtually irrelevant in terms of effective verbal communication.  Whilst my body language and tone of voice are accounting for 93% of information being absorbed by my audience, there is only seven measly percent left over for my actual words!

This got me thinking about all the ways in which I communicate with my friends and family.  How effective are my methods?

1) Morse code… Just kidding.

2) Via text, whatsapp and facebook.  The value of this simple message-sending lies in it’s convenience.  In other words, a text is better than nothing.  It is an ideal way to touch base in the most basic communicatory way but simultaneously leaves a lot to be desired in terms of valuable exchange.  It is also a complete minefield: How many times has a sarcastic comment been mistaken for sincerity?  Or a joke for truth?  The words can and worms spring to mind...

3) Letters.  Definitely an improvement and a Birthday card is always preferable to its rather soulless facebook counterpart.  There is something so special about receiving an actual letter (remember those?)  Something you can keep which will always symbolise the time and energy someone has taken to compose and send this little piece of paper affection your way.  But still, words sometimes just aren’t enough…

4) Phone calls.  Now we are getting somewhere.  Think of the myriad of communicative ingredients that is now open to us!  Tone can express a dazzling array of sarcasm, excitement, depression, boredom, hilarity, suspicion, you name it!  And a shared giggling fit is so much more satisfying than any number of ‘LOLs’ on a screen.  

5) Face to face. Bingo!  According to Ray Birdwhistell, the human face is capable of over 250,000 expressions!  Perhaps the most important non-verbal form of communication is attentiveness.  Direct eye contact is the best way of showing a friend that you earnestly care about what they’re saying and you don’t in fact have them on speaker-phone whilst you potter around your bedroom making non-committal noises at appropriate intervals.  Sometimes you don’t even need to speak in order to communicate your feelings.  If a picture is worth a thousand words, then surely a hug in a crisis must be priceless?

A friend of mine did raise an excellent point: different levels of communication are applicable to different degrees of friendship.  The word ‘earnest’ is partly defined as ‘showing depth and sincerity of feeling,’ but there are some people from your past who only require a cheeky facebook poke here and there to simply reassure them of your continued existence.  There seems to be a direct correlation between the value of your communication method and the depth of your friendship.  So ask yourself: is it worth the effort of a car journey? A train ticket?  Perhaps even a long distance flight to stay connected???