THE BREAK UP/ CHEER UP CARE PACKAGE

I love a good care package.  At Christmas my big sister will give me a surprise box of goodies stuffed with make-up, smellies, candles… the list goes on and the gift keeps on giving.  Did your school ever contribute to the Christmas Shoebox Scheme?  I would spend hours arranging and rearranging the crayons and teddy bears in my box for maximum visual impact upon opening by my African recipient.  It comes as no surprise that the combination of my The Thing About Break-ups post and stumbling upon this adorable popcorn bowl inspired a new care package idea.

As a friend and shoulder to cry on, I think it is equal parts important to provide both sympathy and distraction.   Too much moping doesn’t help anybody but tears are somewhat inevitable in this situation, hence the tissues, booze and chocolate.  However, the surest way of curing depression is through laughter: enter comedy DVDs and popcorn.  And finally, exercise and a pro-active attitude are vital to healthy emotional recovery, so within my care package I have included a diary so that you and your friends can jam-pack the break-upee’s schedule with lots of day trips, picnics, walks and of course cocktail/dancing/getting-back-on-the-horse evenings in the near future.  

Contents

1 metal popcorn bowl from Parlane International; 1 bag of toffee popcorn; 2 comedy DVDs; 1 bar of chocolate; 2 packs of colourful tissues; 1 bottle of prosecco; 1 Cath Kidston diary.

You will notice that none of the contents include scissors, a lighter or any aggressively feminist self helps books.  This is for two reasons: firstly, they say the closest thing to love is hate, so if you nurture loathing for an ex, cutting their heads off in photographs or building a pyre for past Kodak moments, all you do is keep the flame of bitterness alive.  As supportive friends we are ultimately aiming for, if not amicability between exes, then at least a nice placid indifference.  Secondly, and this is important, there is always the chance that a relationship termination won’t stick.  Do not invest time and energy into bitching about how you never really liked your friend’s boyfriend anyway when it is entirely possible that they will be back together by week’s end.  And yes I have been burned by this before.  So best to provide non-committal responses.  

Just for fun I have also done a Luxury Break-Up Package (for people who are ‘Made in Chelsea’ or live in Buckingham Palace.)

1)  Gym Membership - Gym must include sauna, spa and massage treatments.

2)  Voucher for personal shopper in Selfridges, Harrods, Liberties (or all of the above) for complete makeover.

3)  2 around the world tickets - what better way to get over someone than getting on a plane with your bestie, headed for adventures unknown?